After the Release….

So, release week happened

What I expected was this feeling of joy and it never came. I didn’t expect not to see or feel the support from my peers that I’ve supported over the years as a blogger. I felt as if I had stepped into the twilight zone. I spent the week doing takeovers and promoting my book. I was exhausted, stressed, sad, angry…so many emotions.

The gist of it is, I made myself sick.

I wound up in the emergency room and we thought I was having a heart attack. I was scared because my Hubby couldn’t go in with me. I stressed myself out so bad during my book release week, that my heart was affected. I was swollen and my bp was 156/94. I just didn’t feel good.

They took me back immediately and did an EKG, heart X-ray, and they took so much blood that I almost passed out. I’m anemic, so it was awful. The doctor took 30 minutes and sat there patiently with me to talk. I relayed everything that happened during the last week and a half. He didn’t give me my test results, just sat there and listened.

I was miserable and depressed

He finally said, “Mrs. Rodgers, your bloodwork is perfect (besides the anemia), your heart is strong, and it looks perfect on the X-ray. After hearing about your week, I believe you stressed yourself out so bad that it took a toll on you.” I just stared at him. I couldn’t believe that I allowed this. If I’m being honest, I was miserable and depressed during release week. Even with the excitement, the takeovers, etc…I was down. I allowed my joy to be taken. The doctor told me to take time to rest.

I made a vow to not let anyone or anything affect my health again.

Even though it was 2am when we got home, we still left back out on the road. I quickly realized that being out here, alone with my Hubby, is what I needed. I feel 100% right now. I made a vow to not let anyone or anything affect my health again. Not everyone will celebrate my victories with me or be happy for me. I have to make peace with that.

It’s not in my nature to not celebrate the little things, not only for myself, but for people I support and care about. I will never again change my “joy” for anyone or anything and I will celebrate every book I release and anything else that I feel happy about.

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